Currently Listening Voices From Heaven By The Soweto Gospel Choir Swing Low Sweet Chariot see related

In Honor of Black History Month, I shall tell you my funny story about black people.

I'm walking through the busiest hallway at Smith, were everyone congregates, lovingly called the 'Congo' due to its large number of people of color that stand around for no good reason.

So I'm kinda pushing my way through the throngs of people, and all of a sudden hear some loud gospel like music coming out of this heavy-set black girl. And she's belting it out there.  Let's say the song was "Swing Low Sweet Chariot."

and out from behind this girl comes her thin friend, yelling at the top of her lungs,

"Sing that Shit, Bitch!"

 and the singing continues all the way down the hall.

Oh did that make my day.  

Currently Listening Revolver [UK] By The Beatles For No One see related

So, Stephanie and I celebrated Valentines Day Early this year.

First we went to Dinner at Magic Time Machine.  We had a cool nerd-chic Waldo as our waiter, we talked to him about chick flicks and stuff, good guy, good times.  Neither of us has been for a while and it was pretty awesome.

Then we drove to Mockingbird Station to go to Urban Outfitters cause I got her a gift certificate there, and she bought a shirt and a necklace and a hat. It was an awesome V-Day Eve.

Rock on you partyin' people.

My Cousin and I were talking over the internet.  We're Secret Agents protecting the world from the enemies it has.

Episode One: The Punxsutawney Prophecy.

TheyMightBePoz: shhhhh.
TheyMightBePoz: dont speak.
JPozz321: ok
JPozz321: why are we whispering?
TheyMightBePoz: because
TheyMightBePoz: just keep your voice down and keep movie
TheyMightBePoz: moving*
TheyMightBePoz: ill explain on the way.
JPozz321: alright, I trust you
TheyMightBePoz: okay
TheyMightBePoz: take a right up here.
TheyMightBePoz: you see
TheyMightBePoz: do you remember the second
TheyMightBePoz: when that goddamn groundhog saw his shadow?
TheyMightBePoz: this marks the 500th time hes seen his shadow.
JPozz321: Yeah, I heard not many servivors were found
TheyMightBePoz: exactly
TheyMightBePoz: and as you know the prophesy.
TheyMightBePoz: well obviously it's been fufilled.
TheyMightBePoz: so we dont have alot of time.
JPozz321: oh shit, that means.........
TheyMightBePoz: jizzactly.
TheyMightBePoz: the gasses are slowing accumulating underground
TheyMightBePoz: and there have already been contamination breaks in washington.
TheyMightBePoz: we just dont have the man power
JPozz321: we have to find MacGuyver
TheyMightBePoz: and chuck norris
TheyMightBePoz: they're the only two who can save us
JPozz321: The perfet Duo!!
TheyMightBePoz: our estimates say that we only have another hour until all communications nationwide break down
TheyMightBePoz: so we need to get to my bunker
TheyMightBePoz: we have the chuck norris phone there
TheyMightBePoz: we will summon him and mcgyver
TheyMightBePoz: i dont have enough time to correct my typos
TheyMightBePoz: we have to keep moving.
JPozz321: What about all the other people, should we let them know?
JPozz321: or are we trying to avoid panic?
TheyMightBePoz: jesus christ dont you know anything
TheyMightBePoz: goddamn rookies.
TheyMightBePoz: first
TheyMightBePoz: we get to the bunker.
TheyMightBePoz: then we summon CN and McG (not the director, but a shortened name for MacGuyver)
TheyMightBePoz: then once they get on the contamination break downs, we begin passing out the anti-bacterial body condoms.
JPozz321: shit, you have like 5 red phones here, which one is it?>
TheyMightBePoz: dont you remember the hand book
TheyMightBePoz: the five phones are to throw off anybody who would break in here
TheyMightBePoz: its to make sure chuck norris doesnt get into the wrong hands.
TheyMightBePoz: cause that would mark the end of the world.
JPozz321: right,, sorryy,  oh look, 4 of them aren't even plugged in
TheyMightBePoz: righto.
TheyMightBePoz: and the chuck norris phone has the curly-q wire
TheyMightBePoz: pick it up
JPozz321: ok its ringing
JPozz321: does it usually take him this long to answer?
TheyMightBePoz: and dial 768-634-6873-Roundhouse.
TheyMightBePoz: yes,.
TheyMightBePoz: the phone weighs two tons and it is in the middle of a lake filled with prihanas on fire.
TheyMightBePoz: it should take him two rings.
JPozz321: hello Chuck?  yes, the prophecy, you know what to do?  alright, meet us here and we'll go over it
TheyMightBePoz: he's on his way?
TheyMightBePoz: good.
TheyMightBePoz: well while we're waiting...hows your wife?
JPozz321: pregnant
TheyMightBePoz: thrid time if im not mistaken.
TheyMightBePoz: and i never am
JPozz321: third time, indeed
TheyMightBePoz: good work.
TheyMightBePoz: we need more men on the force
TheyMightBePoz: raise them big and strong and they'll have a place on the team in the future.
TheyMightBePoz: if there is a future....
JPozz321: don't talk like that, we have chuck norris on our side, what could go wrong?!
TheyMightBePoz: true, i could get a roundhouse kick to the face for just thinking those thoughts...
TheyMightBePoz: there's the doorbell.
TheyMightBePoz: they're here.
JPozz321: wow I can't believe I get to meet CN AND McG
TheyMightBePoz: try not to wet yourself there squirt.
TheyMightBePoz: chuck, Mac, we've got limited resources and a big problem.
TheyMightBePoz: but i know you two can handle it
TheyMightBePoz: first, washington. we've got reports of seven different leaks coming out of the seweres.
JPozz321: the presence of them hasn't been noticed publically but it's just a matter of time
TheyMightBePoz: right.
TheyMightBePoz: now my partner here will tell you the resources we have, and it's nothing you guy havent handled before, but this will be challenging.
TheyMightBePoz: special agent, go ahead.
JPozz321: ok you guys are going to have be like James Bond here, but without anywhere near as cool stuff
JPozz321: MacGuyver, that's your specialty
JPozz321: and the base that we're infiltrating isn't exactly welcoming your presence
JPozz321: got to kep my voice down, dammit
TheyMightBePoz: ROOKIE
TheyMightBePoz: KEEP YOUR GODDAMN VOICE DOWN.
TheyMightBePoz: do you want the enemy to find us here
JPozz321: sorry sorry
TheyMightBePoz: we ahve the most advanced secert hideout
TheyMightBePoz: and you want to take a piss all over it.
JPozz321: ok, moving on, I apologize chuck that's your area
TheyMightBePoz: good god man. i can't believe they let you out of acaademy.
TheyMightBePoz: keep going.
JPozz321: Chuck, there are over 400 men patrolling the outer wall of the complex, we don't wanna raise too much of an alarm so you're going to have to let MacGuyver get you in
JPozz321: adn explosion from his bomb would be much less noticable than you simply walking through the wall
TheyMightBePoz: exactly.
TheyMightBePoz: now once both of you are in
TheyMightBePoz: we need you to find the Vertex computer.
TheyMightBePoz: its their base of operation.
TheyMightBePoz: and it has all of their plans.
JPozz321: then chuck will punch a whole in the main hull of the reactor, leaving just enough room for macGuyver to put a bomb in there made out of nothing but some bailing twine, a turkey baster, four paperclips and some baking soda
TheyMightBePoz: but before you dentanate the bomb
TheyMightBePoz: you need to grab the core and bring it back here
TheyMightBePoz: that is VITALLY importnat
TheyMightBePoz: the core must come back in one piece if we want to win this war .
JPozz321: it contains all work and info  that has been done up to this point by the enemies
TheyMightBePoz: if you destroy the core and leave the pieces in the complex, their men can rebuild it. and if you take it here we can analyze it and make our plans
TheyMightBePoz: are you two ready?
TheyMightBePoz: yes yes, you were born ready mr. norris i understand.
JPozz321: this needs to work
TheyMightBePoz: the state of the nation depends on it
TheyMightBePoz: godspeed men, godspeed.
JPozz321: you think it will work?
TheyMightBePoz: goddamnit, it better.
JPozz321: chuck norris is all but invincible, and MacGuyver can think his way out of any situation, they are the perfect Duo
TheyMightBePoz: brains and brawn.
JPozz321: perfect.....
TheyMightBePoz: rookie.
TheyMightBePoz: we need to watch their progress on the monitor
TheyMightBePoz: you take the first shift
TheyMightBePoz: im going to catch forty winks.
JPozz321: alrighty, I'll stay diligent, get some rest
TheyMightBePoz: you kids, i dont know how you find the energy.
TheyMightBePoz: call the president, and tell him that we've got the best men on it
JPozz321: got it,  I'll wake you if there's a situation
TheyMightBePoz: and wake me once they reach the complez.
TheyMightBePoz: complex*...im getting too old for this shit.
JPozz321: well, it's only like 700 miles away, carrying MacGuyver will slow down Chuck, but not much
TheyMightBePoz: then it'll be just a quick cat nap then wont it.
JPozz321: that chuck never ceases to amaze me
TheyMightBePoz: he's the best.
TheyMightBePoz: you know, he taught me at academy.
TheyMightBePoz: and if you dont straighten up, ill show you a few of the moves he taught me.
JPozz321: really!?  you lucky stiff, he retired long before I got there
TheyMightBePoz: "long before i got there" shut up.
JPozz321: hey, they were honest mistakes, I'm not used to such tense situations
TheyMightBePoz: watch the goddamn monitor
TheyMightBePoz: and if you're going to listen to that shitty hippy music you listen to
JPozz321: alright, alright
TheyMightBePoz: keep it down.
TheyMightBePoz: at ease.
TheyMightBePoz: but not too easy,.
TheyMightBePoz: you know what i mean.
JPozz321: gotcha

Greetings from Ohio

So we're at the airport waiting for our plane to come in and my mom is flipping through a magazine and gets to a picture of Eva Longoria and says "Isn't she pretty?"  and my dad says "You know what would make her a lot prettier?"   and I said "What could you do to make her a lot prettier?" 

"My dick in her mouth."

I wish I was born deaf